Learning to tie my shoes in this world of stinky sweaty gross people that run...

Guest Post by Janine Jordison

If you missed Part One, go back and read it immediately! If you are already caught up, please enjoy Part Two of Janine's exploration of the running world.

Now I need an outfit.

I decided that my first run would be the next day so I needed to get home and rummage through that closet.

I found some super funky patterned leggings that pull all the way up to under my boobs, my sports bra and a tank top. 

  • Outfit- Check

(BTW- I have put in an order to my Team Unicorn Sparkle Adventure Rep for some Tank tops and custom Leggings) (Editorial Note: We are working on getting gear very very soon, let us know if you're interested)

Running apps- Jury is still out on this. And this experience needs its own forum.

The best time to take up a new physical activity is in the WINTER when it is very dark, cold, wet and gross outside. Did I mention that there has been an abnormal amount of snow lately? Great time to start my new hobby of Running right??!! Lucky for me, we have a treadmill so I was able to get started the next day. I set my alarm for an hour earlier to make sure that my first 30 minute run would end in time for me to get ready for work.

And off I went...

I have not done anything other then walk on this machine and the thought of running on it terrified me. I knew I had to get over this fear.

I did my 5 minute warm up at a speed of 3 (whatever that means) and then when it was time to run I hit the increase speed button until I was running. Scared for my life, I was hanging on while I was gasping for air at my new speed of 5. 

To give you a mental picture, please feel free to imagine me hunched over, white knuckling the handles in front of me while I ever so gracefully ran, or kicked my legs about like a donkey trying to buck off a rider. Notice how I didn't say a horse. I used the word donkey because of all the noises I was making at the same time. It was not only embarrassing, it was an awful awful sight. I am so glad there wasn't a mirror in the room. I seriously don't need that vision haunting me anymore then it already does. 

Once my minute was over I hit that number 3 so dang fast to go back to walking. I chugged back my water until I was literally choking. I think that was a sign that I got enough fluid in me. I did my two minute walk and plunged back into my terrifying donkey run. Half way through this disaster, I was at the point where every time it was time to run I could not wait to get it over with. WHAT WAS I THINKING?? 

I also struggled to figure out how I was going to know when my 1 minute run was over and and my 2 minute walk was going to begin. Needless to say, the messing around with the timer on my phone while switching speeds turned into a nightmare.

Getting off the treadmill was an experience of its own. My body went one way and my mind thought we were going another. I almost puked from being so dizzy.

At the end of morning 1, my shoulders were sore, my abs were sore, my legs were sore, and I was soaking wet. All the things about running I hate. Despite all of this, I am still excited for my next run.

I barely make it into to work to sit down and tell Trevor all about it. At this point I felt like I had been riding that Donkey instead of running like it. It hurt when I walked and I feel like everyone is staring at me because I was walking that awkward walk. You know what walk I am talking about. You have all been there and done that...

Trevor, being the dick that he is, congratulated me and gave me some really great tips. 

His first tip was NO HANDS!! Stop hanging on. People that run don't hang onto things even on a treadmill. 

His second tip required me to get up out of my chair which really hurt. He showed me the difference in using your foot to walk and using your foot to run. He then had me "Run" on the spot. I learned that running doesn't require a higher speed. It just requires the act of running. 

I even learned that running doesn't require a Donkey, acting like a Donkey, making Donkey sounds or smelling like one.

The next day is "Rest" day. I decided that Rest day means do some yoga. I have not done yoga for about a year now. I spent more time fighting the cat and the dog off the mat then I did actually doing the yoga. Not only am I super sore because of my run yesterday now everything I do is hard. The few moves I was able to do, did not go well. I fell over more then I was able to stay up. I totally rocked child's pose in-case you wondered. I mostly crawled around this day. At home, at work, during walking club, with the dog and grocery shopping.

Did I mention that I started a walking club at lunch time at work the week before? And I walk my dog after work everyday for at least 30 minutes? 

Sorry, back to my journey...

Running day 2. Now with all these fancy new moves I learned, I gear up early in the morning and jump on that treadmill. (Proudly, without my Donkey) The night before I downloaded a new interval timer and I hit the go button on it, the go button on the treadmill and the go button on all my running apps that I downloaded (again, the apps need their own rant)

My 30 minute session flew by. I had some complications with all the noise and apps yelling at me but I was totally amazed by the progress I had made from my last run.

I did not hold onto the handles. I stayed at the same speed for my walks and my runs. I did not even trip or fall off the treadmill! 

Fast forward to today, cause it is exactly one week from the day I started and I am a pro now.

I read my running program and memorize the total length that I am supposed to run. Then I glance over the "what to do". 2 minute walk, 2 minute runs and how many repetitions. I don't follow the schedule to letter and I let my body tell me how I am going to run for this day. A few times during my last run I was up to a 3 minute run at a speed of 4. I don't use timers anymore. I found the clock on the treadmill and I brushed up on my "telling time" skills.

So what have I learned?

  1. Leave your Donkey outside.
  2. Listen to those people around you that have been there and done that even if they have won the dick award that year.
  3. EAT FOOD while you train.
  4. There is a clock on the treadmill
  5. Running apps are stupid.

A week in and I am not even close to running for 30 minutes. I have to say that I am enjoying it though. Not the sweating part- don't be silly.

I have not done any other fancy running things that people do when they are training. I have no ambition to race back to the store and buy fancy running accessories. I am not even training to run a marathon.

I am just a girl that was abused by a fellow co-worker while he trained to be a Super Star Ironman Dick of the year, learning how to tie my shoes in this world of stinky sweaty gross people that run